i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
