Already got asked if we're dating
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Define "chronic" masturbator.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Randomize
