Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
