fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Randomize
