Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
