i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
