Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
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