My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
