So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
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