if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
