who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
splinters make it hard to masturbate
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
