It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
