Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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