I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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