I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
porn star boner night. come get it.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
