Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
love makes seman taste better
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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