Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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