He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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