my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
whose parrot is this?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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