I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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