Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
