he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize