the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
