I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
