We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
