so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
