White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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