Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Randomize
