i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I supernannyed him into submission
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
