Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
