During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
she told me i tasted like america
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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