mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
