She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
