You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
