Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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