did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
