Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
that's an acceptable place to lick
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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