i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
You ruined the universe
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
