Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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