im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Randomize
