I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
