tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
