I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
You made out with two different species that night
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
