So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
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