My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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