Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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