I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
