honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
