What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize