I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
