No awkward lesbian experiences without me
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
