She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I want her autograph on my taint
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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