I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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