I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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