I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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