my mouth tastes like poor choices
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
