No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
