I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
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Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
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I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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