look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
