It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
