my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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