apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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