I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
