3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
someone owes me an orgasm
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
