you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
