i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
