oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
