And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
