for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
