i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
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