I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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