Whod you bang
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
